Top 10 Worst songs of 2019

2019 was a mixed year. While it did have great songs, which I discussed in my previous list, it also had giant piles of garbage, which we'll be discussing today. So be prepared to shovel through a mountain of trash, as we look at my Top 10 worst songs of 2019.

10.

Let's get the most controversial out of the 10 out of the way.

Bad Guy by Billie Eilish

I never understood the appeal of this song. And yet it was everywhere. Everyone was praising it, it was winning awards, and Todd in the Shadows picked it as the best song of 2019. Now, granted, my reasons for disliking this song are purely subjective, which is why its only #10. And my problem isn't that it's creepy. It's not my thing, but I get the appeal of a creepy song. My problem is that Bad Guy is not a song. Going back to the HMs on my best list, when I mentioned When The Party's Over. While that song is also creepy, it does have a rhythm, and can be classified as a song. Bad Guy is just inane ramblings, set to an instrumental. In fact, the Without Music version of this song sounds almost identical. Because the song already doesn't have music. Also, this song is about a young girl trying to seduce an older man, which is 50 flavors of no, and as for the music video.... Well, I'll let Nostalgia Critic explain:

My thoughts exactly, Doug. This music video is incredibly disturbing, bizarre, and insane. And unlike Lalala, I just can't get behind it. So yeah, Bad Guy. Overrated and not my thing. If you like it, fine. I just don't get it.

9.

While I dislike Bad Guy for being incredibly creepy and disturbing, my #9 entry for this list proves that the other extreme is just as bad.

Cool by The Jonas Brothers.

Like I Don't Care, Cool also has an ironic title. Because it's one of the lamest songs I've ever heard. Cool comes off less like someone actually being cool, and more like someone trying to be cool. The Jonas' are clearly trying to capture the natural charisma of Bruno Mars, and fail spectacularly. It would be adorable if it wasn't so lame. Also, the lyrics are so dumb, Train would reject them for being too stupid. Highlights include "Woke up feelin' like a new James Dean, I comb my hair like an old-school Sheen" "Standin' there with the red dress on you,  A Killer Queen like a young Jane Fonda"  and of course "Oh, I feel like Post Malone when I get home, Sittin' there, winnin' like it's Game of Thrones"  You want a lesson on how to be cool? Do the exact opposite of everything this song does, and you'll be as cool as the Fonz.

8.

Oh, look. Another controversial choice.

Truth Hurts by Lizzo.

I have only heard 2 songs from Lizzo: Good as Hell, and this one. And while Good As Hell is a catchy, fun, wholesome song, that exudes positivity  from every pore, Truth Hurts is an unfunny  T shirt slogan dragged out to song length. The rythm is plodding and annoying, Lizzo's voice feels condescending, and OH GOD THESE [CENSORED] LYRICS!!!!!!!!! Let's start with the worst lyric, the opening line:

"I just took a DNA test, turns out I'm 100% that bitch"

This line is supposedly "funny", but I'd laugh more at an issue of Marville. There is no joke. There is no point. It is just nothing. And let's go over some more of these "feminist" lyrics.

Why are men great 'til they gotta be great?- Evidently, this woman hasn't seen Commando. Where Arnold Shwarzenegger's character jumped off a plane, and fought a dozen crazy people just to rescue his daughter. And yes, there are men like this. But that lyric assumes that ALL men, not just some men, are like this. And as a man, screw that lyric.

New man on the Minnesota Vikings- What the hell do the Minnesota Vikings have to do with your feminist anthem?

You tried to break my heart?

Oh, that breaks my heart

That you thought you ever had it

No, you ain't from the start- He clearly had your heart, that's why you were in a relationship. Unless this is an arranged marriage, in which case you have no reason to write this song in the first place.

Now, I can hear the people in the comments saying that I don't get this song. That it truly is an empowering feminist anthem, and that I can't understand it, because I'm a man, and I like stuff like Lalala and I Don't Care. Well, maybe you're right. If you're empowered and inspired by this song, more power to you. I'm glad you can connect with it in a way that I can't. I still don't like it, but I respect your opinion. And that should be the last of my controversial opinions for this list. Although, screw Lizzo for saying that people who review albums and music should be unemployed.

7.

Well this was inevitable.

Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi

Why, Billboard? Why was this the Lewis Capaldi song that you made famous? It's just... so bad. Capaldi's voice sounds awful, the melody is boring and stiff, and the AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA is just horrendously annoying. But the real reason this song is on here is because this is what Capaldi will be most known for. Even when he becomes successful, and his good songs become huge, and he becomes the next Ed Sheeran, Lewis Capaldi will never escape the shame of being the Someone You Loved guy. Great freaking job, Billboard. But seriously, Lewis Capaldi is awesome. I look forward to his musical future, and anyone who hasn't heard his other music, please look it up. Don't be fooled by this turd. It's just a horrible delusion.

6.

And now, the female version of Someone You Loved.

Without Me by Halsey.

I really don't like Halsey. She may have been a part of Eastside, Be Kind, and the least sucky Chainsmokers song, but everything else I've heard from her is terrible. Hell, this isn't even the only Halsey song on the list. But I'm getting ahead of myself. So what's wrong with Without Me? Well, similar to SYL, the worst part of this song is the voice. And while Capaldi's Someone You Loved voice is technically worse, at least he was putting passion into it. Halsey's voice in Without Me sounds incredibly unpassionate, and is even more shouty than Capaldi. Her voice in this song fills me with so much rage!!! It's so noisy, and irritating, and annoying, and awful. I hate it so much!!!!!!! But honestly, aside from that, I have nothing to say about this song. It sucks. Screw Halsey.

5.

If you've been paying attention to my review show (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdtHyLDrjyTbRZ2QL_cBaxQ?view_as=subscriber), you'd know that I am a fan of comedy. In fact, I like comedies most people think are unfunny, like Howard The Duck, The Master Of Disguise, Chairman Of The Board, Bio-Dome, and Hudson Hawk. So if you want to make a comedy that I don't think is funny, you need to try really hard. And Lil' Dicky and company succeeded with flying colors.

Earth by Lil' Dicky and a bunch of people who should've known better.

This is the worst comedy song ever made. Say what you will about Freaky Friday, but at least they attempted to tell jokes. Here, they don't even do that much. The "jokes" in this song are either bottom of the barrel gross out gags, or extremely basic animal observations. Even that opening line from Truth Hurts is funnier than anything in this supposed comedy song. On top of that, the song doesn't even stick to the animal theme, as a weed plant, Kanye West, and frickin' HPV show up! And of course, the infamous country segment, where Lil' Dicky, who by the way is Jewish, says that he forgives Germany for what the Nazis have done. But he doesn't bring up the Nazi part, because bringing up the Nazis in a song about saving the environment might actually be funny. And this song is where comedy goes to die. Also, Earth has one of the most generic melodies in existence, and not only is it a comedy song, but its also a charity song! And it fails just as hard at being a charity song as it does at being a comedy song. Most charity songs are uplifting, and try to tell us how we can fix the world. Earth's message is just "the world is shit, so just fix it. We won't tell you how." Oh boy, what an inspiring message. Earth is a boring, unfunny song that fails in every respect. And I hope all of these celebrities, including Lil Dicky himself, learn a valuable lesson from this: namely to NEVER DO IT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4.

Luke Bryan is the worst thing to ever happen to country. Florida Georgia Line may be bad, but at worst, they're just boring. But Luke Bryan is an obnoxious dickweed who represents all the worst characteristics of bro country. And while One Margarita is a decently catchy, fun, wholesome song, everything else he put his mitts on turned to suck. And while Kick The Dust Up is a pretty garbage song, there's one song of his that manages to be just as bad. And it's a sex song. Dear god help us.

Knockin' Boots by Luke Bryan.

Knockin' Boots is exactly what a sex song written by Luke Bryan would sound like. Incredibly obnoxious, dumb, and full of clichés. And of course, sung with that incredibly obnoxious voice of his. But what truly separates Knockin Boots from the rest of Bryan's dreck are the lyrics which range from stupid (Yeah, birds need bees and ice needs whiskey Boys like me need girls like you to kiss me") to creepy (That dress needs to slip off, That hair needs to come down"). It takes hard work to make a sex song worse than Marvin Gaye by Charlie Puth and Meghan Trainor and Reproduction from Grease 2, but Luke Bryan managed to do just that, by bringing us a song that nobody wanted. Bryan, either make more songs like One Margarita, or get out of the music business entirely.

3.

I have mixed feelings on Cardi B. She has an obnoxious, in your face attitude, which works on some songs, but not others. And while Money is pretty bad, and is definitely making my worst of 2018 list, by far her worst song is...

Press by Cardi B.

This song is absolute garbage. It's incredibly obnoxious and annoying, but doesn't even have the decency to be memorably awful. Also, every single lyric in this song is garbage, and Cardi is way too obnoxious and loud and annoying. It doesn't even deserved to be talked about. It just deserves to be forgotten by time. Which I will do right now.

2.

Remember when I said Without Me wasn't the only Halsey song that would appear on this list? Well here's the other one!

Nightmare by Halsey

Nightmare has the same problem as Truth Hurts, in that it's misandry disguised as feminism. But what makes Nightmare worse than Truth Hurts is that it sounds completely awful. While Halsey's voice is technically better than it was in Without Me, the actual song sounds a million times worse. It's incredibly obnoxious and awful, and there's a creepy lyric about cutting herself with scissors. On top of that, the song is just mean spirited. As much as I don't like Truth Hurts, I'll give it credit that the music video presents itself as an empowering feminist anthem. But Nightmare presents itself as an ugly mess. And while I can understand that appealing to some people, I am not one of them. And while this song was not at all made for people like me, unlike Bad Guy, which I can respect is not my thing, and I might like it if it was, Nightmare is a complete and utter failure, that I would dislike even if I was into feminist empowerment anthems. Go away, Halsey. 

And before we get to #1, I'd like to go over some dishonorable mentions.

Please Me by Cardi B and Bruno Mars

Bruno Mars' charisma saves it from my scorn, but it's still bad, and a clear attempt to cash in on the success of Finesse.

Baby Shark by Pinkfong

The fact that this song is even being mentioned here is honestly mind boggling.

Taki Taki by DJ Snake, Selena Gomez, Ozuna, and Cardi B

I originally planned on putting this song on the list proper, but I realized that Press and Knockin' Boots were worse. But that doesn't mean this song is good, because it's garbage that just got lucky.

Only Human by The Jonas Brothers

Everything I said about Cool applies to this song as well.

Senorita by Shawn Mendes and Camilla Cabeo

People seem to like this one as much as, if not more than, If I Can't Have You, and I really don't know why. The lyrics are dumb, and both Shawn and Camilla sound terrible.

Break up with your girlfriend, I'm Bored by Ariana Grande

That title is way too long and awkward. Songs need to have short, snappy titles, in order for you to remember them. This song's title is 7 words long. It also doesn't help that it's a garbage song.

Wake Up In The Sky by Bruno Mars, Gucci Mane, and Kodak Black

Obnoxious, irritating, and I hate Kodak Black.

Baby by Lil Baby and Dababy

If you're only going to make a song because of a joke, at least take advantage of that joke. Also, Lil Baby sucks as always.

My Type by Saweeitie 

One of the most annoying, obnoxious, braggadocious, vacuous pieces of garbage I've ever heard in my life.

One Thing Right by Marshmello and Kane Brown

Leave it to Marshmello to make one of the dullest, stupidest country songs in existence, with an absolutely garbage premise.

Eyes On You by Chase Rice

Chase sounds awful, the premise is stupid and sexist (Oh, we went to so many places, but I didn't care, because I was staring at your sexy body all day like a pervert), and it's such a schlocky piece of idiocy. Also, Chase put on a concert, where people didn't social distance or wear masks, and has not apologized for it. Screw you Chase Rice.

Murder on My Mind by YNW Melly

Murder on My Mind is one of the most disgusting, disturbing, uncomfortable songs I've ever heard in my life. The only thing keeping off this list is the fact that I keep forgetting that it exists.

Look At Her Now by Selena Gomez

And the award for worst chorus of 2019 goes to...

Con Calma by Daddy Yankee, Katy Perry, and Snow

Remember Informer by Snow? You know what that song needed? Spanish lyrics, a sellout Katy Perry, and all the funk and coolness sucked out of it. Oh, and the animojis certainly don't date this at all. Easily the second worst sample butchering of 2019.

You Say by Lauren Daigle

Consider this song the honorary #11. It's one of the most boring, stale, rage inducing, annoying pieces of bland garbage that I've ever heard in my life.

Show And Tell by Melanie Martinez

Remember that scene in Tim Burton's Willy Wonka, where the little puppet things burned after singing the song? Well, imagine if that was a song, but you were in hell. That is Show and Tell in a nutshell.

Stupid by Ashniko and Yung Baby Tate

Get this thing away from me. Please.

Daddy by Blueface

The only thing keeping this song off the list is the fact that I don't want to talk about it at all.

The Justin Bieber Remix of Bad Guy

While this one is worse, the original gave me more to talk about, it's too forgettable for me to hate, and it verges on so bad it's hilarious.

Boys With Luv by BTS and Halsey

I know a lot of people like this one, but it's too obnoxiously cutesy for my tastes. Also, Halsey is as insufferable as ever. 

Thotiana by Blueface

This song is terrible, but Daddy is worse, and it's insanely forgettable. But dear god does it suck. Also, who names their kid Thotiana?

Bury a Friend by Billie Eilish

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fi8WgXTYCVk

And now, onto #1.

1.

When I first heard this song, I thought it was just mediocre. But the more I heard it, the more my hatred for it grew, and now, as you can tell from its placement on this list, I think it's the worst song of 2019. What song could possibly earn that scorn? 2 words:

7 Rings by Ariana Grande

Where do I start with this garbage fire of a song? I have an idea! Let's start with the most obvious thing about it: This song's sampling of These are a Few of My favorite things from Sound Of Music. Now, I don't have a problem with sampling in songs. Sure sampling can be lazy, but when used correctly, it can make songs like Back In Time and The Time (Dirty Bit), which take the original song's melody and lyrics, and make something cool and fun with it. 7 Rings on the other hand, takes TAAFOMFT, and actively makes it worse. It's such a plodding, bland, boring song, and Ariana sounds just as bored. Ok, so boring song and bad sampling are one thing, how are the lyrics? EVEN WORSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The original song was about appreciating the little things in life, but 7 Rings is basically a brag rap, which is the opposite of what the original song is about. On top of that, these lyrics do more than just brag about expensive things, they send the message that meaningless objects are all that life is about, especially with the line "Whoever said money can't solve your problems must not've had enough money to solve 'em." SCREW. YOU. And unlike most brag rappers, who at least seem like they're happy with what they have, Ariana Grande comes off as a spoiled brat, who takes all of her stuff for granted. Screw this pretentious, garbage, materialistic trash.

Well, that's the worst of 2019. What did you think? What's your list? Comment Below! And thanks for reading!

Also, there is one thing about Bad Guy that I like. In the video, there's a guy who's standing next to Bille while she's acting like a lunatic, and he is hilarious. He just constantly has a face that says "Really? This song is a massive hit? This moron dancing around like a lunatic and acting like Wednesday Addams on shrooms? What's wrong with people?" That probably isn't what they intended, but he is still hilarious.