Top 10 Worst songs of 2016

 

While 2016 wasn't nearly as bad as 2018 or 2014, it was still a bad year for music. A lot of the songs were really bad, but not even memorably or enjoyably bad. But let's count them down anyway, Without furthur ado, let's delve into the top 10 worst songs of 2016. 

10.

I don't hate Charlie Puth. Sure he isn't in any way good, but he seems like a nice guy, he can occasionally be good, and most of his bad music is just harmless filler. However, that doesn't save him from appearing on this list.

One Call Away by Charlie Puth.

You know how people criticize people like Imagine Dragons and Maroon 5 for making boring, commercial friendly white noise? Well, this song is so bland, it actually does sound like a commercial jingle. There is nothing unique about One Call Away whatsoever. It is a stale piece of nothing, that leaves less impact than Styrofoam. On top of that, the lyrics are pure trash. Let's start with the most infamous one: "Superman's got nothing on me". Really, dude? You think you're stronger than Superman? Well, let's compare. This is Superman:

And this is you:

Yeah, Superman wins. But that's really the only memorable line in the song. The rest of the lyrics are boring, generic shlock about how he'll always be there for her, and this and that and blah blah blah. Puth may be a nice guy (not that kind of nice guy, we'll get to that kind later in the list), but after listening to One Call Away, it's no wonder that he's making commercials for Subway now.

(Charlie Puth's Single Ladies cover is hilarious. I just used it to prove a point)

9.

I have only heard 2 songs from Daya, not counting that song she did with The Chainsmokers: Sit Still Look Pretty, and Hide Away. While Sit Still Look Pretty is a garbage feminist anthem with some of the worst lyrics I've ever heard in my life, it is fun and catchy enough to not earn my scorn. Hide Away on the other hand:

Hide Away by Daya

Like #10, Hide Away is incredibly bland and forgettable. But unlike One Call Away, which is at least inoffensive, and the message of the song is "I will always be there for you." Hide Away's melody is limp as hell, and the message of the song is "Why don't boys like me?" It's basically the musical equivalent of this:

On top of that, the lyrics, while not as bad as the ones from SSLP, are still pretty bad. Here are some "highlights"

To be fly as a mother- The hell does that even mean?

Guessing now I just don't know where to find them

But I hope they all come out tonight- Well, you need to try a little harder. Love is hard. You don't always get what you want immediately.

Boys seem to like the girls who like to kiss and tell

Talking them up about things that do so well- So boys like girls that talk to their friends about their romances, and compliment them? What's wrong with that?

I'd rather find a boy who is down for the chase- Again, what does that mean?

To supply all of my heart's demands- Yes, because boys exist only to serve queen Daya.

He's gonna save my life like Superman- Gee, where have I heard that before? It's almost like that was a lyric in the song directly before this one.

And don't even get me started on the music video. A league of dads stopping their daughers from dating?! Ugh. I don't know if Daya is like this in real life, hell she probably already has a boyfriend, but if this song is what her view of love is like, I would not be surprised if Daya was single. That being said, the Neptune remix is actually pretty good:

Sure, it may have the same flaws as the original, but at least it's more catchy and fun.

8. 
A lot of people say this is one of Rae Sremmurd's better songs. I agree that it is, but it's still bad.

Black Beatles by Rae Sremmurd and Gucci Mane

Rae Sremmurd is one of the worst bands currently working. They're basically the Florida Georgia Line of rap: boring, douchey, annoying, and punchable. And while Black Beatles is nowhere near as bad as Swang or No Flex Zone, it's still a boring pile of mush, with the added bonus of saying that Rae Sremmurd is the black equivalent of the Beatles. Yeah, that's one of the biggest piles of bull I've ever heard in my life. This is the Beatles at their prime:

And this is Rae Sremmurd at their prime:

Powerglide may be a good song, but it isn't in the same ballpark as those Beatles songs. And for those of you saying that Black Beatles is about how RS is as revolutionary as the Beatles, well that's a load of bull too. The Beatles are a bizzare, cool band who makes songs that could be made by nobody else, while RS indulges in the same rap trap cliches as a billion other people. I've seen loyalists that are more revolutionary than these clowns. So yeah, I'm done. Screw this band, and screw this song.

7. 

Why does this exist?

Tiimmy Turner by Desiigner

Who the hell asked for a rap song about a grown up Timmy Turner from The Fairly Oddparents? Anybody? Bueller? Bueller? Ok, to be fair, songs can have stupid premises and still sell them. But this song does not. Tiimmy Turner is an obnoxious annoying, droning song. It sounds like a bullfrog trying to sing The Hills. As for the lyrics: 

Tiimmy, Tiimmy, Tiimmy Turner

He was wishin' for a burner

To kill everybody walkin'

He knows that his soul in the furnace

Fuck bitch on BET

Had me wildin', she fuckin' on BET, wildin' for wallet

Kill everybody walkin'

He knows that his soul in the furnace

How the hell do I even respond to that? Simple answer: I don't. NEXT.

Also, what the hell is Lil' Dicky doing here?

6. 

I honestly don't care about P!NK. Sure she's a decent artist, and a good feminist role model, but none of her songs are good enough to leave an impact on me. So why am I bringing her up? Because someone has to answer for this:

Just Like Fire by P!NK

Ladies and gentlemen, we have the most bland and forgettable empowerment anthem of all time!! Seriously, Just Like Fire is one of the most generic inspirational anthems I have ever heard. The lyrics are generic and cliché as all get out, and the metaphor of using fire as an empowerment symbol is played out as hell. And yes, I listed Thunder by Imagine Dragons as the best song of 2017, despite also having a cliché symbol for empowerment. But I like that song for how it sounds, not its lyrical content. And Just Like Fire fails both musically and lyrically. The lyrics are next level generic, with metaphors and lines that Imagine Dragons would reject for being too generically inspirational and cliche, and the melody is non-descript and clean cut as hell. It's the musical equivalent of that DCOM, Z-O-M-B-I-E-S, wanting to take a stand, but is too scared to actually take a stand, so it turns in a bland, nothing mess of a song, that is satisfying to no-one. Also, there's a rap bridge for some reason. Granted, it's less cringey than the rap bridge from Shake it Off, but it's still really dumb, and makes P!NK look like a mom trying to be hip with the kids. Oh, and this song was also made for Tim Burton's Alice Through The Looking Glass. And while I haven't seen that film, it's blatantly obvious that the only reason that this song is attached to Alice Through The Looking Glass, is because it can't stand on it's own merits, and it needed Alice In Wonderland aesthetics to distract from how lame this is. So yeah, for those of you who think Girls Like You is a lame empowerment anthem, take a look at this, and see just how deep the blandness rabbit hole goes (and yes, that reference was intentional). 

 5. 

For those of you upset that I put Me Too on my best list, at least we can agree on one thing: No is an absolutely garbage song.

No by Meghan Trainor

A lot of people think that Me Too is worse than this song for some reason, but I could not disagree more. Me Too isn't a masterpiece, but it's Beethoven's 5th Symphony compared to the massive garbagefire that is No. Let's start of with the melody and singing. Because this is without a doubt the worst a Meghan Trainor song has ever sounded. Gone are the popping bubbles and funky infectious melody of Me Too, the catchy and fun beat of Lips are Movin', hell, I'd even take the doo wop beat of Dear Future Husband and All About That Bass over this skittish nonsense. Also, Meghan herself sounds godawful. Even in her bad songs, Meghan sounds good, but in this, she sounds as pretentious as the lyrics make her out to be. Speaking of which, let's get to the lyrics. Oh god are these lyrics complete and total g to the a to the garbage. It almost comes off as a parody of a feminist anthem, but Meg is being completely serious with this. Let's start with the premise of this song. So the song is about Meghan at a club, where a guy is trying to hit on her. Now, a reasonable person would assume that this song is about Trainor telling off the guy, either because he's acting like a creep, or because he's not her type. Well, no. Because Meghan shuts this guy up BEFORE HE EVEN SPEAKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For all we know, he could've been a nerdy social outcast, laughed at and made fun of by people of both genders, and was at the club to distract himself from his crushing loneliness, and maybe get a date. But  Meghan just destroys his dreams, by saying "I don't like you, because you're a man." This is apparently feminist now. Treating men like garbage, using the persecution of women in the past as an excuse. Songs like No remind me of the end of George Orwell's Animal Farm, where the animals, after taking over the farm, establishing and breaking multiple rules, and basically being communists, begin to act exactly like their former oppressors, even starting to look like them. That's what people like Meghan Trainor are doing. They're throwing off the system, by basically being the system. True gender equality is about seeing both sides as equal. Women thinking themselves as better than men is just as sexist as men thinking themselves as better than women. It's songs like No that give feminism a bad name, and it's time to stop. That title could not be more fitting, because when I am asked if I want to hear this song, my response is, to quote Meghan herself, "Nah to the ah to the, no, no, no."

 

4. 

Remember when I said in my worst of 2017 list that I Fall Apart was an interesting failure? Yeah, that doesn't mean it isn't a million times worse than Rockstar.

I Fall Apart by Post Malone

Let's get the obvious out of the way: what the hell is wrong with Posty's voice on this song? Even in White Iversion and Rockstar, he just sounded kind of bored, but here, he sounds like he's hacking up a hairball while muttering his dying breath. It's just absolutely terrible in every sense of the word. As for the lyrics? Angsty stupid moronic dreck, that Lucid Dreams rejected for being too emo and stupid. Oh, and of course "devil in the form of a whore." Wow. I mean, wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow. Even XXXTENTACION would call that a bit much. And the ending to this song is painful. While Thunder's ending is heavenly, the ending to I Fall Apart physically makes me retch. If this list was based on how a song sounded, this would've been #1. But unfortunately, there were 3 songs that pissed me off more. Post, never do this again.

3.

Dear god does Florida Georgia Line suck. 

 H.O.L.Y by Florida Georgia Line.

Meant To Be is absolutely awful in every sense of the word, but at least it has some kind of rythm, and we get Bebe Rhexa, who's at least a better singer than FGL. H.O.L.Y has none of that. Let's start with the most obvious thing about it, the title. That acronym titling isn't just for show, because H.O.L.Y doesn't mean holy. It means (are you ready for this?) High On Loving You. Good job, FGL. You made a stupider acronym than L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N, an acronym meant to be stupid. As for the songs actual contents? Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh. H.O.L.Y is basically a standard, broey, "I Love You Girl" FGL song, but with some religious song tropes thrown in. And seeing the guys that made This is How We Roll try to make a religious love song is unintentionally funny at best, and stupidly lame at worst. The melody is bland and insipid, and Tyler Hubbard's whiney voice sounds terrible as usual. And while H.O.L.Y is only 3 minutes long, it feels like an eternity, because it's that dull, boring, sloppy and incompetent. Screw you, Florida Georgia Line.

2. 

I am really proud of Shawn Mendes for evolving. As I've mentioned before, he's managed to move on from his JB clone stage, and make a name for himself with songs like If I Can't Have You, Lost In Japan, and There's Nothing Holding Me Back. And considering the garbage that he made in 2016, that evolution is astounding.

Treat You Better by Shawn Mendes

Yep, it's not a worst songs of 2016 list without this piece of garbage. I'm almost tempted to leave it off the list, because every other music critic tore this song to shreds to the point where there's nothing new to say about it. But hell, one more tearing won't hurt. Here goes:

Treat You Better is absolutely despicable on all fronts. Mendes' character in this song is a complete dickweed, who doesn't care at all about the girl he's writing this song about, and only wants to get in her pants. Say what you will about Abe from Clone High, but at least he actually cares about his friends. And as someone who actually is a nice person, and tries to help others, and be kind, I despise people who only help others to get laid. Granted, they're not as bad as those that are actually abusive, but they're still pretty loathesome. They're douchey, whiney jackoffs who can't fathom the idea of a girl they like not being into them, and seeing them as a friend and nothing else. And seeing Shawn write a song that glorifies the idea of Niceguyism is rage inducing to say the least. And these lyrics. OH. MY. GOD. THESE LYRICS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let's go over some of the lowlights, shall we?

I won't lie to you- Yes you will. In fact, you spend this entire song lying to both her, and yourself.

I know he's just not right for you- Because you want her in your pants.

But I see it on your face

When you say that he's the one that you want

And you're spending all your time

In this wrong situation

And anytime you want it to stop- The song never makes it clear whether the girl actually is in an abusive relationship, but if not, Shawn comes off as a dick.

I know I can treat you better

Than he can

And any girl like you deserves a gentleman- And by Gentleman, you mean you.

Tell me why are we wasting time

On all your wasted cryin'

When you should be with me instead-I'll let Nostalgia Critic take this one:

Thanks, Doug. 

So yeah, this song may appear on a lot of worst lists for 2016, but it's definitely earned it. It's despicable, ugly, whiny, dull, and toxic as all get out. Treat You Better really shows how far Shawn has grown from making immature pieces of teen trash to There's Nothing Holding Me Back, If I Can't Have You, and Lost In Japan. To borrow a quote from one of the worst songs ever made, I'm glad the old Shawn can't come to the phone right now. Because he's dead, and should stay dead. But seeing how much rage and anger I have towards Treat You Better, what beat it out for worst song of 2016? Well, before we talk about that, it's...

Dishonorable mentions time!

Gold by Kiiara

I personally consider this song more so bad it's good than plain bad. Oh, it's still bad, and screw the line "Your brother was a good substitute for you", but Gold is such a weird, bizarre song from every angle that I can't help but be intrigued by it. Also, that idiotic as hell gibberish chorus.

Lost Boy by Ruth B

Like Hey Soul Sister, I used to hear this song a lot. But without the nostalgia goggles, this song is a boring slog with a stupid premise.

Sit Still Look Pretty by Daya

I may not hate this song enough to put it on the list officially, but that doesn't save it from the dishonorable mentions. While it is insanely catchy, SSLP has some of the worst lyrics I've ever heard. In fact, I could make a top 10 list of the worst lyrics in this song. But not now, because that would take too long.

Zillionare by Flo Rida

Awful song, with braggadocious lyrics. At least Whistle, as bad as it is, can be enjoyed in an ironic sense. Also, what the hell are you doing here, Bobby Moynihan? 

Hands To Myself by Selena Gomez

Garbage lyrics, an annoying breathy voice, and another reason Selena Gomez shouldn't be in music.

Really Really by Kevin Gates

Stupid, dull, and annoying.

My Dick by 3OH!3

This song is so entertainingly terrible. Every second of it is just off the wall insane, from the weird music video, to the infectious melody, to the stupid lyrics, to the so bad it's good chorus of "Every time I look at my dick, I'm like holy shit, that's a big dick

And every time I look at your dick, I'm like holy shit, that's a small dick." It's a song that is bad in every respect, but I can't stop listening to it. Also, the ending is hilarious.

Pop Style by Drake

If Only and Love Me didn't exist, Pop Style would be the ugliest song Drake was ever a part of.

M.I.L.F $ by Fergie

Disgusting, creepy, and annoying. Consider this my honorary #11.

Panda by Desiigner

This is literally just noise. Also, that Panda thing that appears at the end of the music video is creepy as hell.

Wicked by Future

Boring beat, dark and dull tone, and I can barely understand a word that comes out of Future's stupid droning mouth.

We Don't Talk Anymore by Charlie Puth and Selena Gomez

A boring, forgettable pieces of dreck that makes One Call Away look like Thunder.

White Iverson by Post Malone

Easily Post's most boring song to date. But as I Fall Apart proves, boring isn't always a bad thing.

Ain't Your Mama by Jennifer Lopez

A boring "feminist anthem" with production that sucks in every conceivable way, yet still gets stuck in your head.

When We Were Young  by Adele

Adele being her boring, bland, dull self. Why do so many people like her?

Unsteady by X Ambassadors

An ugly, disjointed mess that sounds like complete garbage. How do you go from Renegades to this?

Needed Me by Rihanna

This is one of the most broken songs I've ever heard in my life. Even the DJ Mustard chime is broken. I'm not kidding.

Pillowtalk by Zayn

This song is so bad, it makes I Don't Wanna Live Forever sound pleasant in comparison. It's obnoxious, generic, dull, and annoying. Easily the worst song made by a 1D member.

Stitches by Shawn Mendes

A garbage, boring song with a stupid music video, and the melody used to make Treat You Better. I am so glad Shawn Mendes evolved past this garbage.

I Hate You, I Love You by gnash and Olivia O'Brien

Ugh. I hate this song. It's such a boring rage inducing piece of nothing, that has no reason to exist and is so vapid and dumb that it's actually my #1.

1. 

I Hate You, I Love You by gnash and Olivia O'Brien

    

                                           

 

Based on my previous #1s on my previous worst lists, it might seem weird to put this boring, nothing of a song at #1 during the year of Treat You Better and I Fall Apart. But that's just it. Similar to You Say by Lauren Daigle, I hate you, I love you is a song that is so boring, so sterile, so ordinary and lifeless, that I actively feel angry whenever I listen to it. Except unlike You Say, which is so rage inducingly boring that I fly into a fit of rage whenever I hear it, IHYILY, while still making me angry, is too muddled and lame to get me really upset. On top of that, the lyrics are garbage, sappy, and bland as all hell, gnash and Obrien are terrible singers that make Rae Sremmurd sound like AJR, and to say they have no chemistry is an understatement. Usually, when a song is a duet, it's for 1 of 2 reasons: 1. it's because the song has 2 characters, and needs 2 singers to play those 2 characters (for example, Fuck, I'm Lonely), or 2. it's because the song needs to have 2 singers in order to bounce off each other, and make the song sound great (for example, Lalala). The closest IHYILY comes to is the first reason, but it botches it up royally, because not only do they have no chemistry, they don't even share the screen together despite being featured artists!!!!!!!!!!!! So yeah, it may not be as flashy as Treat You Better or No, but I Hate You, I Love You is such a boring, rage inducing pile of nothing, that it deserves the title of worst song of 2016.

Wow, did I get madder at these songs then I was expecting. Welp, that's the worst of 2016. What are your thoughts? What's your worst songs of 2016 list? Comment below, and make sure to hit the blue follow button in order to be notified by new blog posts. So until my next blog post, have a great day, and avoid these songs like the plague! 

Also, at the end of the music video for Treat You Better, there's a number for a domestic abuse hotline. Meaning they're framing this nice-guy anthem as a PSA for domestic abuse. Yeah, I need to use this clip again: