Top 10 Worst songs of 2017

 Unlike 2018, where the bad songs were absolute unlistenable dreck that I wanted to go away, the bad songs of 2017 were interesting. Oh, they were still bad, but they were a more interesting shade of bad. The kind of bad worth talking about. Which is what we're going to do now. So put on your crap caps, as we take a look at the musical trash of 2017. 

10.

Since I absolutely love Thunder, you'd probably think that I also love Believer. If you thought that, then you would be wrong.

Believer by Imagine Dragons

After listening to Believer, I know what Thunder sounds like to everyone else, because Believer is a complete failure. First off, this song sounds terrible. While Thunder had a masterfully composed rhythm, and a beautiful flow, Believer has an extremely boring rhythm, and the flow of a fish flopping around for air. And while Dan Reynolds sounds better than he did in Bullet In A Gun, he still sounds really bad. He loses the relaxed, charming voice he had in Thunder, in favor of a generic as hell "I'm going to kick your ass" voice. Which may fit the tone of the song, but still doesn't sound good. And then we get to the music video. Granted, there are parts of this music video that are really pretty to look at, like the lasers, the colors, the shapes, it looks very visually distinct. However, the music video ruins that by being incredibly stupid. Unlike Thunder, which had all this cool creative stuff, Believer has a kid drawing in a sketchbook, and Dan Reynolds and Dolph Lundgren in a boxing match, proving that Lundgren can star in things stupider than Rocky IV and Masters of The Universe. Hell, at least those were enjoyably stupid. So yeah, this is bad. I don't hate it enough to put it higher than 10, but Believer is definitely one of ID's worst songs. But I will admit that this is a better career move for Dolph than appearing in Fat Slags.

9.

ZZZZZzzzZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Issues by Julia Michaels.

Issues is one of the most boring, incompetently made songs I've ever heard. It sounds incredibly flat, Michaels sounds like she's trying (And failing) to imitate Ellie Goulding in Close To Me, the lyrics are dumb, and the "And one of them is how bad I need you" is way too rushed. Bottom line, Issues is an incompetent, boring piece of garbage that should be forgotten by time.

8.

Let's talk about Vine Dance songs. Vine Dance songs are the Spam of music. Not high art, barely qualifies as music, but you could do a lot worse. While a lot of people hate Hit The Quan and Watch Me, I'll give both credit that they at least attempt to have fun, and be enjoyable. The same cannot be said for this POS.

Juju On That Beat by Who Cares and Nobody Important.

Juju on that Beat is the worst vine dance song ever made. It's rythmless, boring garbage, that isn't even fun to dance to. On top of that, the lyrics are absolutely brainless garbage, the beat is stolen from Knuck If You Buck, and the song insults you, with an insult that isn't even good, and was also stolen from another song. Hit The Quan and Watch Me are bad, but at least they're fun enough to be enjoyed ironically. This song is too boring to be ironically fun. It has no value, it's boring as hell, and the 2 nobodies that made it will be one hit wonders by the time I'm done finishing this sentence.

7.

Congrats, Post Malone. You finally made it on one of my worst lists. Oh wait, that's a bad thing.

Rockstar by Post Malone and 21 Savage

As bad as I Fall Apart is, that song is at least an interesting disaster. Rockstar isn't even that. Rockstar is a dark, boring mess, that is one of the worst songs of Malone's career. After seeing this man sing with fantastic rhythm in Better Now, be incredibly relaxing in Psycho, collab with Swae Lee to make one of the best made-for-movie songs of all time, and make a touching, tender song in the form of Goodbyes, seeing him in this..... whatever the hell this is is appalling. The rhythm is bland, Post sounds bored out of his mind, and the music video is actual garbage. It's blurry, boring, bloody, and it actually starts off with this:

Yes. This music video comes with a parental warning. That is a song that is definitely getting on my worst list. Oh, and for a song called Rockstar, this song is very un-rock-like. When I think of rock, I think of stuff like this:

or this...

Hell, even this is more rock-like!!

But Rockstar is the opposite. It's a low energy, dull, ugly mess, sung by one of my favorite singers of the 2010s. Post, do better man. I know you can. And while 21 Savage doesn't sound that bad on this song, it's not enough to redeem it.

6.

Ever since Despacito, we've been getting an influx of Latin music in the pop charts. This has done both good and bad to the pop charts. On the one hand, it's given Latin artists a chance to shine in America, and gave us amazing songs like MIA and Dura. On the other hand, it gave us garbage like this:

Te Bote by A Bunch of Latin Dicks

Te Bote is the worst Latin song ever made. It's a boring slog of a song, with terrible lyrics, awful singing, and the charisma of a bad combover. Also, the fact that it's 7 MINUTES LONG!!!!! Say what you will about Gucci Gang, but at least that song is a measly 2 minutes long. This garbage song is longer than Bohemian Rhapsody, and all it is is 3 guys singing "Oh, I'm a dick, I'm an asshole, singing about stupid things, I'm dumb, nanananana" Actually, that would be an improvement on the actual lyrics. For those who don't know what the lyrics to this song mean in english, don't look them up. You are better off not knowing, because they are scummy, boring, and atrocious. Also, there's a Te Bote 2. Ugh. Screw this boring, vapid, awful slog of a song. NEXT.

5.

Remember how awesome Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) was? Keep remembering!!!!

Young And Menace by Fall Out Boy

Yes, in an album which had my favorite song of 2018, they decided to release this as the lead single. This has been widely regarded as a bad move. Let's start off with the part everyone hates about this song: the chorus. That chorus is absolutely awful. It's unlistenable techno garbage, that makes a car alarm sound pleasant in comparison. And while EDM is not a genre that FOB specializes in, that still doesn't save our ears from listening to this trash. As for the rest? Well, the parts that aren't the chorus are a little more tolerable, but not enough to redeem it, and the music video is unnerving to say the least. Thankfully, FOB wised up, and never attempted this again, because Young and Menace should stay buried in the past.

Seriously, this was the lead single?!

4.

Oh, how I've been waiting to tear apart this garbage pile of a song. Welcome to Jeremy U's Music Corner, my musical nemesis.

Look What You Made Me Do by Taylor Swift.

Songs like 7 Rings, Gummo, SAD!, Nightmare, Press, and Money I just want to go away. But this piece of garbage I will hate to the ends of the earth. There is something just so satisfying about tearing this garbage song apart. So what's wrong with it? First off, the beat. This beat is awful. It's so droning, tuneless, and dull that it makes parodies of this song unlistenable, because they have the same tune. Second, the lyrics. This is some of the most narcisistic, idiotic garbage I've ever seen. Taylor tries to be an evil, seductive bad girl, but it comes off as a nice girl pretending to be bad. Also, this song samples I'm Too Sexy by Right Said Fred, which not only doesn't make sense, but takes a giant whizz all over it. But by far the worst part of this song is "I'm Sorry, the old Taylor can't come to the phone right now. Why? Cause she's dead!" That line is so pretentious, dumb, and idiotic, that it pisses me off to no end. Yes, I'm not bothered by "Aint nobody judging cause I'm black, or my controversial past" but I'm bothered by this. Even Taylor Swift herself admitted that this song was a mistake, and when the only celebrity more thin skinned than Uwe Boll admits that she made a mistake, then she REALLY made a mistake. And even though this song is awful, I really enjoy tearing this song apart, and hating it. The song tried to present Taylor as an evil villainess, and in a way, it succeeded. But the villainess isn't Taylor, it's the song itself. Screw this song, and thank goodness Taylor wised up and never attempted to do this again. Also, Jacksfilms should get a medal for making this song sound good.

3.

Just screw this song.

Tunnel Vision by Kodak Black.

I am not showing this music video for obvious reasons, so instead I'm showing a much better and underrated Tunnel Vision. Have fun with that. Because this song will not be fun to talk about. Now, as much as I hate XXXTENTACION and 6ix9ine, I get why someone would like them. But I cannot understand why anyone would like Kodak Black. Not only is he a terrible person, but he sounds like Lil Wayne gargling rocks. And Tunnel Vision is a song that shows Kodak at his worst. Extremely irritating, annoying, and grating. But that's par for the course for a Kodak Black song. What makes this song truly terrible are the lyrics which basically say "People hate me, not for the crimes I commit, but because I'm black" No, they hate you for being a scumbag who has never sounded good in his life. Also, the fact that he tried to rhyme "winning" and "penitentiary" should be classified as a word crime. Oh, and the reason I'm not showing this music video is because, despite the song being a supposed anthem of how racists are after Kodak Black, the video has a ton of racist imagery. And I'm not even remotely getting into a certain infamous line that was cut, not because it was terrible, but because it would ruin Kodak's image. Please, Kodak's image was ruined the moment he was brought into this world. And for those of you wondering how this song is only #3, you are in for an unpleasant surprise. Because while this song is garbage, the next 2 songs make Tunnel Vision by Kodak Black sound like Bohemian Rhapsody in comparison.

(Seriously, though. Check out that Tunnel Vision movie. It's incredibly funny, and extremely underrated)

2.

For those of you relieved that, despite the racist imagery, Tunnel Vision by Kodak Black wasn't actually racist, my #2 pick will pluck that relief right out of you.

Happy Ending by Hopsin

This song is not only incredibly racist, but it sounds like garbage. Hopsin sounds like absolute trash, and the lyrics sound like they came out of a Happy Madison movie from hell. While I can understand someone giving a pass to Tunnel Vision based on its rhythm, Happy Ending deserves no pass. That title is certainly appropriate, because I'm happy when it ends.

And now for the dishonorable mentions

Swalla by Jason Derulo, Ty Dolla $ign and Nicky Minaj

Kinda catchy, but overall worthless

Look at Me! by XXXTENTACION

This is easily the worst song XXXTENTACION has ever made, but there wasn't enough room to make it on the list, and I really don't want to talk about this guy ever again.

1-800-273-8255 by Logic, Alessia Cara, and Khalid

This song is essentially for depression and suicide what Taylor Swift's You Need To Calm Down was for LGTBQ rights. It's incredibly incompetent and tone deaf. Especially the "Who can relate? Woo!" line. But I don't hate it enough to put it on the actual list, and the subject matter is way too sensitive for this blog. And at least, unlike SAD!, this song was trying to prevent suicide.

Rolex by Ayo and Teo

Stupid and obnoxious, but still better than Juju on that beat.

...Ready for it? by Taylor Swift

The chorus is really good, but everything else sucks.

Wolves by Selena Gomez and Marshmello

ZzzzZZzzzzZzzzzZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Do, Re, Mi by blackbear and Gucci Mane.

The honorary #11. I HATE this song, and the artist that made it. Every single aspect of it makes my skin crawl, except for Gucci Mane's verse, which isn't that bad. But everything else sucks. blackbear. Yeah, I wish you were attacked by an actual Black Bear. Also, "I'm do re mi fa so fuckin done with you"? Dane Cook called. He said you're not funny.

All Time Low by Jon Bellion

I know this song has its fans, but to me, All Time Low is an absolute mess. From the annoying "Decoo-bop-dom-day" at the beginning, to Jon's voice, to the song's structure, which how can a grown man make a song this unstructured? Seriously, Gold by Kiiara has a more structured flow than this. Why on earth do people like this song so much?

Bank Account by 21 Savage

How can a human being possibly exhibit this little energy?

New Man by Ed Sheeran

You may remember me mentioning this song while talking about Galway Girl in the best of 2017 list. Yeah, this is terrible. But unlike the other songs on this list, New Man is an entertaining kind of terrible. If this was any other scumbag rapper, this song would be intolerable. But hearing these stupid as hell lyrics coming out of Ed Sheeran is unintentionally hilarious. Also, this song is kinda catchy.

It's Everyday Bro by Jake Paul and Team 10

It's made by Jake Paul. Do I even need to say anything?

Bodak Yellow by Cardi B

While this song did pave the way for Cardi's career, and she learned and improved, and managed to make much better songs, Bodak Yellow still sucks. The beat is boring and dull, Cardi sounds like garbage, and the name is a reference to Kodak Black.

Meant To Be by Bebe Rhexa and Florida Georgia Line

One of the most boring and incompetently made country songs I've ever heard, but too forgettable and inoffensive to make the list officially. Also, the ending of the music video is kind of funny.

Bad At Love by Halsey

You know what else you're bad at, Halsey? Singing!!!!!!!!!

Mo Bounce by Iggy Azelea

I really don't like Iggy Azalea. And this is by far her worst song.

Rake it Up by Yo Gotti and Nicki Minaj

Why? Just..... just why?

iSpy remix by KYLE and Kodak Black

Thanks for ruining one of my favorite songs of 2017 by making a version of it that has the scumbag who wrote Tunnel Vision. >:-(

Bon Apetit by Katy Perry and Migos

Awful song, awful music video, and the faster we stop making sex songs about food the better. Consider this song the honorary #12.

Bad Liar by Selena Gomez

This song is annoying, boring, and has some of the worst lyrics I've ever heard in my life. No, Selena you're not trying. Also, what the hell is up with that "Oh Baby!" line?

Uh Huh by Julia Michaels

OH GOD, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!

Say You Won't Let Go by James Arthur

Screw you, James Arthur! You boring, bland, homophobic Ed Sheeran ripoff! Here's a tip: when ripping off an artist that's better than you, rip off one of their good songs.

Swish Swish by Katy Perry and Nicki Minaj

Plodding melody, awful vocals, stupid music video, with admittedly some funny moments here and there, and "SWISH SWISH BISH"!!!!!!!!!!! But it's too forgettable for me to hate, and I have to give it credit for being the only song I've ever seen that YouTube Pooped itself. Also, Nicki Minaj is fine on this song.

Swang by Rae Sremmurd.

Easily Rae Sremmurd's worst song. The melody is garbage, and Swae's voice sounds awful.

The Middle by Zedd, Grey, and Maren Morris

Thanks, Zedd. You somehow made a song that's both boring and annoying. Also, why the hell did you make a club banger about an abusive relationship? Say what you will about XXXTENTACION, but at least he knows that what he's writing about is messed up. (R.I.P XXXTENTACION)

And now, #1.

1.

I have heard many bad songs. 7 Rings, Gummo, SAD! Look What You Made Me Do, Tunnel Vision, Gucci Gang. But out of all the bad songs I've heard, I have heard nothing like my #1. You think you're ready for it, but trust me, you are not. What song could it be?

You Thought What You Saw Was It by Show Me The Body and Eartheater.

You Thought What You Saw Was It is not just a song, it's an experience. But not a good one. Once you hear this song, you will never be the same again. Oh, you'll get over it, but the memory of this song will never leave your head. I honestly have no idea how a song could be worse than this. Even 6ix9ine's trash and SAD! still qualify as music, but this? No. Whether you want to play that video and subject yourself to this audio nightmare is up to you. But remember, once you press that play button, and hear those notes, you will never be the same again. Choose wisely, my friend. Choose wisely.

Welp. That was 2017. How'd I do? What's your list? What did you disagree with? And I'm sorry for introducing you to that #1. Thanks for reading!!!