Monday, November 2, 2020

Top 10 Worst Made For Movie Songs



Unfortunately, not all movie songs can be masterpieces. Sometimes, a movie soundtrack can be a gigantic failure. Sometimes an entertaining one, sometimes an ear gratingly awful one, and other times just a mediocre one. But regardless of the type, all movie soundtrack failures are unforgettable. And since I already did a best Made For Movie songs list, here is my Top 10 Worst Made For Movie songs list. And, while this may seem obvious, I need to reiterate: just because a song is on here, doesn't mean I hate the movie it came from. Maybe it's good, maybe it's awful, maybe it's neither. If a song is bad, then it gets on here, regardless of the quality of the film it came from. Alright, let's get started.

10.

Don't Call Me Angel by Miley Cyrus, Lana Del Ray, and Ariana Grande (From Charlie's Angels 2019)


While I haven't seen the 2019 Charlie's Angels movie, I've heard a lot of really bad things, and yeah, it looks terrible. As for this song? Well, it wouldn't be on this list if I thought it was good, would it? First off, the production. It's really bad. It has this weird cowbell like instrument, and a really generic beat. Also, all 3 performers sound terrible. Ari sounds bored as hell, Miley sounds awful, and as for Lana, she sounds like garbage. She's so whispery and dull, that she somehow both blends into the background and manages to be ear bleedingly awful at the same time. Oh, and there's also the tiny little fact that THIS SONG IS FOR A MOVIE CALLED CHARLIE'S ANGELS, AND IT'S CALLED DON'T CALL ME ANGEL!!!!!!!! That would be like if the song for Men In Black 3 was called "Let's not go Back In Time". So yeah, bad song for a bad movie. What were you expecting?

9.

Addams Groove by MC Hammer (From The Addams Family 1991)

The original Addams Family movie is absolutely fantastic. But this song? Hoo boy. Granted, it's more entertainingly bad than actually bad, which is why it's only #9. But it's still bad. The structure is non-existent, the lyrics are dumb, MC is hamming up a storm, and unlike other rap songs, there's no groove to speak of, despite being called Addams Groove. Also, the music video is simultaneously stupid and funny. Yeah, that's it. This song is about as deep as a Dixie cup. There's next to nothing to say about it other than what I just said. But that being said, Addams Groove is the only song on this list I would recommend checking out, purely for ironic enjoyment, because it's silly, fun, and stupid. But dear god, is it still bad.


8.

Let It Go by Idina Menzel (From Frozen)


"But this song is so great! It's one of the best Disney songs ever!" No, it's not. It's a boring, mediocre nothing of a song with cringey lyrics and one of the most blandly sung chorus' I've ever heard. Unlike most people, I hated this song the first time I heard it, and it's only gotten worse through time. And for those saying how empowering it is, it really isn't. It's a song about Elsa abandoning her sister, and turning Arendelle into a frozen hell hole, albeit inadvertently, and instead of working through her issues, just deciding to live in an ice castle for the rest of her life. That sure is empowering. So why is Let It Go only #8? Well, because most of my hatred for it is subjective, and this song is harmless in the grand scheme of things. But it's not forgettable or entertainingly bad, which is why it's below Don't Call Me Angel and  Addams Groove. So yeah, Let It Go sucks. If you like it, then just be glad it's only #8.

7.

Ghostbusters (I'm Not Afraid) by Fall Out Boy and Missy Elliot (From Ghostbusters 2016)


Yup. Fall Out Boy made both my best and worst lists. Now, before you ask, no, I didn't put this song on here just because it's part of the 2016 Ghostbusters movie. I mean, that certainly is a reason I put it on here, but not the only reason. Because, even when you separate it from the awful movie it came from, Ghostbusters (I'm Not Afraid) is a really bad song. Unlike Wilson (Expensive Mistakes), Hold Me Tight or Don't, Uma Thurman, and Immortals, Patrick Stump's shouty voice doesn't work at all, and the beat is dull and mediocre. Also, Missy Elliot is insanely forgettable. So yeah, this song is a boring, dull repeat of something that was perfect the first time. Kinda like the movie it came from. 

6.

My Family by Migos, Karol G, Snoop Dogg, and Rock Mafia (From The Addams Family 2019)


Yes indeed, another Addams Family song. Except unlike Addams Groove, My Family isn't even entertainingly bad. It's just bad. The beat is cringey as hell, Everyone sounds terrible, especially Migos, and the lyrics are basically the lyrics of Addams Groove, but a million times worse. It's not even a fun song to talk about. It's so boring, bland, and forgettable that you forget it immediately after you hear it. Let's just move on, because I have nothing left to say about this waste of space.

And for those wondering, I did see the 2019 Addams Family movie. And while it's nowhere near as good as the original series, the 1991 film, or Family Values, it's not half bad. Certainly better than this boring pile of obnoxious nothing.


5.

Earned It by The Weeknd (From Fifty Shades Of Grey)


Looks like Abel has appeared on another of my worst lists. Except unlike The Hills, I'm pretty sure everyone will agree that this song is bad. The fact that this song is connected to Fifty Shades Of Grey, a film I have never seen because I have better things to do than to watch a high budget porno, is certainly not a point in its favor. But even removing that, Earned It is still terrible. At first, it doesn't sound that bad, but then it's ruined by The Weeknd, who sounds godawful, those ugly drums and cymbals, and the disgusting music video. As much as I hate The Hills, I can see someone getting into that song's ugly nature. But Earned It is ugly, and not in a way that people can get into. I honestly can't believe that there are 4 MFM songs worse than this one, because wow is Earned It a giant piece of elephant dung. Next.

4. 

I Don't Wanna Live Forever by Zayn and Taylor Swift (From Fifty Shades Darker)


Oh look, another song from a Fifty Shades movie. And what a shocker, it sucks. While IDWLF is more listenable than Earned It, it's also more incompetent. The production is bland as hell, Zayn sounds terrible, and his falsetto is ear piercing, the lyrics are emo and stupid, Taylor is a little better than Zayn, but still forgettable, and the entire song just has an unpleasant, obnoxious vibe. But the cherry on the cake is that there's a Kidz Bop version:

And not only is there a Kidz Bop version of a song from a Fifty Shades Of Grey film, but the Kidz Bop version is better. When the Kidz Bop version of a song is better than the original, you did something wrong. I Don't Wanna Live Forever, a stupid song from an awful movie. Thank god this franchise is dead.

3.

Die Another Day by Madonna (From Die Another Day)


Die Another Day is one of the worst James Bond movies ever made. The plot is ludicrous, there are so many leaps in logic, the special effects are garbage, the characters are clichés of clichés, there's literally a henchman named Mr. Kill, no I'm not joking, and unlike Octopussy and Moonraker, it's not even entertainingly bad. And on top of that, it has the worst theme song out of every movie in the franchise. Die Another Day (the song) is one of the most obnoxious things in existence. Madonna sounds awful, the production is so dated and stupid, the Black-Eyed Peas would cringe, the music video, while technically relating to the movie, is still really stupid and idiotic, and the lyrics are dumb as hell. I could print the entire lyrics on here, because they all suck, but lets go over some of the low-lights.

I'm gonna wake up, yes and no 
I'm gonna kiss some part of 
I'm gonna keep this secret 
I'm gonna close my body now- First off, what does "I'm gonna wake up, yes and no" mean? So you're in a coma? Because that's the only way I could interpret that line. Second, what are you going to kiss a part of? Third- What secret? Fourth- What do you mean close your body?

I guess, die another day
 I guess, die another day 
I guess, die another day 
I guess, die another day- Repetitive, meaningless, and annoying.

Sigmund Freud 
Analyze this 
Analyze this 
Analyze this, this, this, this, this- Why the hell did you bring up Sigmund Freud, and what the hell do you want him to analyze?

I'm gonna break the cycle 
I'm gonna shake up the system 
I'm gonna destroy my ego- One: what cycle and what system? Two: Destroy your ego? Why, exactly?

I'm gonna avoid the cliché- Between this song, and the next song coming up, that ship has fricking sailed.

So yeah, Die Another Day, like the movie it came from, is an idiotic, obnoxious pile of stupidity, that isn't even entertainingly bad. I have no idea how Billie Eilish is going to handle the theme song for the newest James Bond film, but it sure as hell will be better than this.

2.

Just Like Fire by P!NK (From Alice Through The Looking Glass)


A lot of you probably saw this one coming, as I put Just Like Fire at #6 on my worst of 2016 list, and it's hated by virtually everyone. And for good reason. The production is boring, P!NK's voice sucks, but the real reason this song is so bad is how "empowering" it is. Just Like Fire is a emalgamation of empowerment cliches delivered with as little self awareness as possible. Don't believe me? Just look at this chorus:

Just like fire, burning out the way 
If I can light the world up for just one day 
Watch this madness, colorful charade 
No one can be just like me any way 
Just like magic,
 I'll be flying free
 I'mma disappear when they come for me
 I kick that ceiling, what you gonna say?
 No one can be just like me any way 
Just like fire, uh

There is literally not one part of that chorus that is not a cliché. On top of that, the music video tries so hard to capture your attention through Alice In Wonderland stuff, and of course, the rap bridge. Again, I'd take P!NK rapping over Taylor and Miley rapping any day of the week, but it's still cringy, tryhardy, and stupid. Most songs on this list manage to be either mediocre, or just as bad as the movie they came from. But Just Like Fire manages to up the suckitude, by actually being worse than the movie it came from. And yes, I've never seen, nor will I ever see, Alice Through The Looking Glass. But it's probably better than this thing. So yeah, Just Like Fire is a boring, bloated mess, that thinks it's saying more than it really is. And to answer your question guy, P!NK won't be ok if she keeps making garbage like this. So, what could be worse than a song from a movie no-one cares about, that virtually everyone hates?

1.

Shallow by Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga (From A Star Is Born 2018)




Huh. Kinda surprised I haven't used that clip until now. Anyways, I know a lot of people like Shallow, but I'm not one of them. I absolutely hate it. Like I said when I reviewed this song, Shallow is a song that feels like it was designed specifically to piss me off. It's one of the most shmaltzy, manipulative, oscar-baity things I've ever heard in my entire life. As much as I hate Adele, I will admit that her songs at least feel like they come from a place of sincerity. Shallow on the other hand is a dull, synthetic piece of music, that doesn't even deserve to be considered radio filler. Oh, and let's get into the meat of this song. The production? Garbage, with rage inducing guitar plucking. The voices? Bradley Cooper sounds terrible, and Lady Gaga's warbling makes me want to punch her in the face. The lyrics? Forgettable and lame. And I can already hear the negative barrage of people saying "Oh, you just don't get it! Oh, it's emotional and impactful! It makes sense in context of the film" Sure, maybe YOU see it as emotional and impactful, but I see it as a shmaltzy piece of shlock not fit for a Hallmark movie. And to be fair, I haven't seen the 2018 A Star Is Born. Maybe Shallow does fit better in the context of the film. But I'm not reviewing a movie, I'm reviewing a song. And the song absolutely sucks. If you like Shallow, fine. I'm not going to reprimand you for having different musical tastes than me. All I ask is that you treat my musical tastes with the same respect I'm treating yours. Because like it or not, I consider Shallow by Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga to be the #1 worst Made For Movie Song. 

Well, that's my list. What are your thoughts on these songs, as well as the movies they came from? What's your list of the worst made for movie songs? Comment Below!!!!!!!!!!

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