Song Review: Shallow by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper

Shallow is a song that feels like it was designed to piss me off. You may remember me putting this in the HMs of my 2018 worst list. That was not an accident, nor was it a mistake. I absolutely hate this song, and I'm probably the only person who hates it. It's like Oscar-bait: the song. Every aspect feels like it was designed to tug at your heartstrings, and make you feel. Well sorry, I like to make my own feelings when listening to songs, because I'm not a mindless zombie. Let's analyze the song to see why it fails for me. To give it credit, the song doesn't waste any time. It starts right away with pissing me off, with the most tryhardy guitar solo ever, which makes it feel like I'm being held in a basement holding a gun at my head getting me to feel. Moving onto the voices. I hate how Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga sound in this song. They sound so corny and tryhardy. Especially Gaga. Every time she wails in that stupid, obnoxious, shmaltzy voice, I feel like punching her in the face. As for the lyrics: 

I have no idea what this song is about, and I couldn't care less. And I know I'm a lot of people are going to be spamming this with stuff like "Oh, this song is important, and powerful." "Oh, you don't get it because you haven't seen the movie." "Oh, you're just saying it for the hot takes" No I am not. I do genuinely hate this whiny Oscar baity song. And while I haven't seen the movie this song is from, I am reviewing a song, not a movie. And I hate this song. As for how powerful and emotional this song is:

Here are some songs that are actually powerful:

 

 

So what do these songs have that Shallow doesn't have? Well, in addition to all sounding amazing, they all connect with me through their personality. With these songs, it feels like a person is singing to me. But Shallow is as impersonal as HAL 9000. It's a bland, emotionless, piece of fluff that may sound better than Someone You Loved, but fills me with much more rage. If you hate this song too, please comment on this blog to show that I'm not alone. And if you like this song, well, I respect your opinion. I'm glad you can connect with this song in a way that I can't. I only ask that you don't try to convince me that it's good, because that would be a losing battle.