Top 10 Worst songs of 2015

 Even a year as good as 2015 had its fair share of stinkers. While they paled in comparison to the garbage that I talked about in my 2018 and 2016 worst lists, and the garbage that I will talk about when I make my worst of 2014 list, the bad songs of 2015 were still really bad. There was a lot of really terrible dreck, so lets get on with it. These are my top 10 worst songs of 2015.

10. 

At least with Watch Me, Hit The Quan, and Juju On That Beat, the people making them were mindless teenagers that were forgotten as quickly as they arrived. What the hell is Beyonce's excuse?

7/11 by Beyonce.

Like Juju On That Beat, 7/11 is not enjoyable in any sense. Obviously it's not going to be enjoyable for its lyrics, because it's a stupid dance song, but even as a dance song, it's not fun at all. It's obnoxious, lame, and tryhard as hell. Beyonce is clearly out of her game as she wiggles and dances around, hopping a trend that had less life than a black guy in a horror movie. 7/11 has no point, it has no purpose, and it should be forgotten by time.

9. 

Of all the songs on this list, this is probably the most listenable out of them. Too bad it's  one of the most misandrist things in the universe.

Dear Future Husband by Meghan Trainor.

Dear Future Husband may be more satisfying to the ears than No, but that doesn't mean it isn't just as misandrist. I don't even know where to start, because every lyric of this song screams misandry. You know what, let me just analyze every lyric in this song:

Dear future husband

Here's a few things

You'll need to know if you wanna be

My one and only all my life- Ok, starting off fine. Just a couple rules for your groom to be.

Take me on a date

I deserve it babe

And don't forget the flowers every anniversary

'Cause if you'll treat me right

I'll be the perfect wife

Buying groceries

Buy-buying what you need- Ok, good start.

You got that nine to five

But, baby, so do I

So don't be thinking I'll be home and baking apple pies

I never learned to cook- Ummmmmm, Meg, you don't have to worry about that. I'm perfectly able to cook. And of course you have a job. This isn't the 50s.

After every fight

Just apologize

And maybe then I'll let you try and rock my body right

Even if I was wrong

You know I'm never wrong

Why disagree?

Why, why disagree?- And just like that it all ends up downhill. I'm not going to act like you're always right, even if you're not. Because I'm not a spineless wimp. Funnily enough, you made a song about letting me be right. So you're a hypocrite as well as a misandrist.

You gotta know how to treat me like a lady

Even when I'm acting crazy

Tell me everything's alright- This is the same woman who wrote Better When I'm Dancin'?

I'll be sleeping on the left side of the bed (hey)

Open doors for me and you might get some kisses

Don't have a dirty mind

Just be a classy guy- Wow. That's so funny, I forgot to laugh. Oh wait, I didn't laugh because it's not funny.

Dear future husband

Make time for me

Don't leave me lonely

And know we'll never see your family more than mine- I'll let Linkara take this one:

So yeah, this song is misandry taken to a dangerous extreme. So why is it only #9? The doo wop beat. As much as I don't like the lyrics to this song, that doo wop beat is catchy and fun as hell. And while it doesn't forgive the misandrist lyrics, it puts Dear Future Husband way over the rest of this list. It may seem selfish, but I'd take DFH over the rest of the songs in this list any day. But it's still an absolutely misandristic pile of dreck. 

Also, Charlie Puth appears at the end of the video. For some reason, no music critic who talks about DFH seems to bring that up.

8.

While Florida Georgia Line made my best of 2015 list with the surprisingly good Confession, the other scourge of the country charts was not so lucky.

Kick The Dust Up by Luke Bryan

Kick The Dust Up is the Just Like Fire of country songs: a boring, dull, nothing that boils down the country tropes to their most basic forms. The lyrics are generic as hell, Luke sucks as usual, the melody is plodding and dull, and it offers nothing to the country genre whatsoever. Say what you will about Body Like A Backroad, but that song will stick with you. Meanwhile, this piece of country fluff offers no contribution to country music history at all. It's bare bones, basic, boring, and makes every other Luke Bryan song sound amazing. Yes, even Knockin' Boots. Even in a year where Florida Georgia Line made my 7th favorite song of the year, Luke Bryan was still sucking. 

7.

A lot of music critics have put Fifth Harmony's Work From Home on their worst of 2016 lists. Personally, I think it's meh. Sure it's a song about a woman getting her husband fired so she can have sex with him all day, which makes the premise for Rude by MAGIC! seem ingenious by comparison, but it's catchy enough for me to not hate, and it's completely inoffensive. The same cannot be said for Fifth Harmony's other big hit released the year prior.

Worth It by Fifth Harmony and Kid Ink

Worth It is one of the most tryhard songs I've ever heard in my life. Every bit of this song reeks of trying too hard, from the beat which tries so desperately hard to be catchy, to the sax riff which is staler than 5 week old bread and lifted from Talk Dirty, to literally every singer in this song, who try as hard as they can to sound catchy, and fail miserably. On top of that, the lyrics are meaningless drivel about how they're worth it or whatever, and the music video is stupid and confusing. Also, Kid Ink is there, being his forgettable self, and literally rapping the same verses twice. But really, all of this song's problems come back to the fact that it's trying way too hard to be catchy. It's hard to define what exactly makes a song catchy, but one of the defining things that make a song catchy is a lack of caring. Not in the art of making music, but more in who is or isn't listening. Songs like Sorry Not Sorry, Me Too, and Thunder couldn't care less if someone was listening or not, so they're allowed to focus on being good and catchy. But Worth It knows that it has nothing to offer, so it tries being incessantly catchy in the vain attempt that you'll either like it, or failing that it gets stuck in your head. Well, sorry. My ears may be fooled by the doo wop beat of Dear Future Husband, but they can smell a tryhard phoney coming from a mile away.

6.

In case you haven't noticed, I have a lot of unpopular music opinions. And while I am proud and a firm believer in those opinions, with some I can see why I'm in the minority. I can see why people would like Billie Eilish, and why they would think I Don't Care is boring. Even with Thunder by Imagine Dragons I can sorta kinda see the song everyone else hates if I squint a little. But others I can't understand why I'm in the minority at all. A good example of that is this song:

The Hills by The Weeknd.

For those of you upset that this song is on my worst list, I have one question: why do you like it? No disrespect, but I see absolutely nothing appealing about this song whatsoever. Let's get to the main reason The Hills is on here: Weeknd's voice. He sounds absolutely terrible. It sounds like he has laryngitis while speaking into a mike with feedback issues, not helped by this song trying as hard as it can to sound as ugly as possible. Speaking of which, let's get to one of the more prevalent defenses of this song: it sounds ugly, because it's supposed to be ugly. 

I have nothing against songs that are ugly, and discuss ugly things. But that's not an excuse for a song to sound like complete garbage. Songs like Goodbyes and Robbery prove that you can tackle heavy themes, yet still make a song that sounds amazing. But this song sounds like complete trash in every way, and intentional or not, it still sounds like trash. And while I'm not the right audience for this, unlike a song like Bad Guy, which isn't my thing, but I can understand the appeal, The Hills is not only not my thing, but absolutely hurts to listen to. So, yeah. I don't like The Hills. Next.

5.

What do I even say about this trainwreck?

Bitch I'm Madonna by Madonna and Nicki Minaj

How about this: it's awful! Bitch I'm Madonna is immature, obnoxious, stupid, and boring. This song is filled to the brim with cringey attempts to try and sound cool, and it's about as fun and catchy as a drill through your brain. At least The Hills ugliness was intentional, while this clearly isn't. On top of that, Madonna is in the same boat Beyonce was in 7/11, except even worse, because unlike Beyonce, who comes off as a mom trying to be hip with the kids, Madonna comes off as a middle aged mom going through a mid-life crisis. Add an obnoxious beat, a stupid music video, and Nicki Minaj being her obnoxious self, and you have a recipe for disaster. But at least we got the Bart Baker parody:

(Also, for those wondering about my thoughts on Bart Baker, I'm mixed on the guy. Some of his parodies are funny, some of his parodies are stupid and unfunny, and the rest are just disgusting. He's like the Seth MacFarlane of music parodies)

4.

I am not a fan of boring songs. But in order for a boring song to make it on one of my worst lists, it needs to do one of 2 things: 1. it needs to be so boring, that it enrages me or makes me angry, like I Hate You I Love You. Or 2. it needs to do something else that pisses me off in addition to being boring, like this song:

Girl Crush by Little Big Town

Before we get to the elephant in the room, let me discuss the prevalent problem with this song: it's boring. Girl Crush is one of the slowest, dull, songs I've ever heard in my life. Every aspect of this song feels crushingly dull. But that's not why this song is so high. It certainly is a good reason, but there's a reason that's much, much worse. Now, based on this song's title, you'd assume it's a song about a girl falling in love with another girl. And if it was, I would be much kinder. Sure, I'd still hate this song because it's an ear-crushingly dull piece of shlock, but I would respect it and leave it off the list for promoting homosexual tolerancy. But I won't because it doesn't. What do I mean by this? Well, take a look at these lyrics from the song:

I want to taste her lips

Yeah, 'cause they taste like you

I want to drown myself

In a bottle of her perfume

I want her long blonde hair

I want her magic touch

Yeah, 'cause maybe then

You'd want me just as much

I got a girl crush

I got a girl crush

If you can't see the problem, here it is: this song isn't about a girl falling in love with a girl because she is in love with her. It's about a girl falling in love with a girl, because she reminds her of a guy that she's actually in love with. Wow. Not only do you make a dull as rocks song, but you make a song disguised as a lesbian anthem, then go around and say "teehee no homo, I'm straight." Smooth move, Little Big Town. Smooth. Move. And for those of you upset at this song for using homosexuality as shock value and nothing more, save your rage, because there's a song on this list that deserves much more anger. But this song is still a boring piece of hypocrisy, that manages to outsuck Florida Georgia Line and Luke Bryan. And when you're worse than those guys, you should probably get out of the country music biz.

3.

For a while, I thought this song was going to be #1. It's just so awful. But then I thought about it, and I found 3 (yes 3. I'll explain later) songs that were way worse. That doesn't excuse this piece of garbage though.

Only by Nicki Minaj, Chris Brown, Drake, and Lil Wayne (I know, what a winning combination)

Only is one of the most ugly, disgusting songs ever made. Every single part of this song makes my skin crawl to the singing which ranges from awful to barely tolerable, the lyrics which should be shown in music school as a prime example of awful lyrics, to the music video which what the hell am I looking at, and don't even get me started on the Nazi themed lyric video. Granted, it's not as toxic as SAD! or as disgusting and slimy as Love Me, but Only is a dark, stupid, poorly written song that nobody could like. So what songs are worse?

2.

Unfortunately, Girl Crush wasn't the only song about lesbian experimentation released in 2015. And the other one is even worse.

I Might Go Lesbian by Manika and Tyga

Honestly, even putting the audio only version of IMGL on my website feels wrong, because this song is absolutely retched. Why? Firstly, it's obnoxious as hell. Girl Crush may be ear crushingly boring, but I'd still take that over this obnoxious beat. But let's get to the real reason this song is on here. This song is about Manika being so sick of men, that she decides to become a lesbian. She says that men are dirty cheating sleazeballs, and that women are everything men aren't. As a man, up yours Manika!!!!! Women are just as capable of cheating and abusing as men are, straight or gay. And, while I myself am not gay, the fact that you would take a group of people that have been prejudiced against for years, and use them in your obnoxious anthem of misandry is nothing short of absolutely distasteful. Say what you will about Taylor Swift's You Need To Calm Down, but not only did that sound a million times better than this piss stain of a song, but it intended to stick up for gay rights. This song is dunking on men, and saying "I'm going to date women instead." Yeah, I need to use the Nostalgia Critic clip again:

Also, Tyga is on here, because of course he had to go and ruin the brownie points I gave him for making Leather In The Rain. How is he? I don't know and I don't care, because no guest verse can save this fetid piece of trash. If you or anyone you know are a lesbian, I deeply apologize for this song. It's stuff like this that not only gives feminism a bad name, but relegates homosexuality as something little more than shock value. And that's not good. But before we move on, I would like to use one more Nostalgia Critic clip to sum up what I think of this abomination, and the artist who made it:

Well said, Doug. Well. Said.

And now, the dishonorable mentions:

Watch Me by Silento

Why the hell do so many people put this song as the #1 worst song of 2015? Don't get me wrong, Watch Me is not good at all. But it's an incredibly lazy choice. This is a mindless, stupid dance song, made by someone forgotten in a month. The fact that people are so uptight and conservative that they would put this as the single worst song of 2015 is astounding. Is it bad? Yes. But come on. Hate the real enemy. 

Hit the Quan by ILoveMemphis

Same deal as Watch Me, but slightly worse.

Bad Blood by Taylor Swift and Kendrick Lamar

While this song is bad, and essentially the prequel to Look What You Made Me Do, I didn't have room for it on the list, and it's still better than Look What You Made Me Do. Also, Kendrick manages to be ok on it.

Bitch Better Have My Money by Rhianna

Why on earth did someone think this would be a good idea?

Hello by Adele

I cannot stand Adele. She is one of the most overrated, boring, dull performers out there. And Hello is easily her worst song. It's so shouty and dull and boring and terrible. I absolutely hate it!!! So why is it in the dishonorable mentions? Because I didn't have room for it on the list proper. Consider this the honorary #11. And for any Adele fans out there, if you like her, fine. You can keep liking her if you want, I just personally can't 

stand her.

Hey Mama by David Guetta, Bebe Rhexa, and Nicky Minaj

Bad. Really, really, really bad.

Take Your Time by Sam Hunt

If any of you are upset that I put Body Like A Backroad on the HM's on my best of 2017 list, this should make up for it. Take Your Time is a shmalzy, stupid, toxic song that isn't enjoyable in any sense.

John Cougar, John Deere, John 3:16 by Keith Urban

Speaking of Body Like A Backroad, that song may have been stupid, but at least it was a fun kind of stupid. John Cougar, John Deere, John 3:16 is the kind of stupid that will make you facepalm until your brain implodes.

7 Years by Lukas Graham

While this song is still a narcissistic pile of garbage, I don't hate it as much as I used to. It's still bad, but I'll still take 7 Years over garbage like SAD!, FEFE, and I Might Go Lesbian.

Break Up With Him by Old Dominion

This is one of the most condescending, ugly on the inside songs I've ever heard in my life. "I know you have a boyfriend, but I want to stick my dick in you, so I'm going to pretend that you love me instead of him, and you're just pretending to love him" Screw you, Old Dominion. SCREW YOU. Also, it's a vapid, annoying, bland country song, and the song has the audacity to insult Back To The Future, one of the greatest films ever made, by making the music video a homage to it. You know what, forget Hello, this is my honorary #11.

New Americana by Halsey

Absolutely godawful.

Sugar by Maroon 5

This song is the musical equivalent of white noise. It is a boring, dull piece of absolute nothingness.

Pillow Talking by Lil Dicky

While, unlike 2018 and 2019, Dave Burd is spared from officially appearing on my worst of 2015 list, he does get into my dishonorable mentions. This song tries so hard to be funny, but fails miserably, and doesn't even have good production to make up for its lack of humor, unlike Freaky Friday.

Fight Song by Rachel Platten

Considering how much I hate boring songs, you bet your butt that I don't like Fight Song. And while it is absolutely godawful, I didn't have enough room for it on the list. So consider it the honorary #12.

Marvin Gaye by Charlie Puth and Meghan Trainor

Marvin Gaye rivals Photograph by Nickelback for the title of ultimate guilty pleasure song. It's so lame in every sense of the word, has absolutely garbage lyrics, and it has no idea how bad it is.

Nothing But Trouble by Charlie Puth and Lil Wayne

Incredibly stupid subject material, and Charlie Puth's voice in this song pisses me off to no end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And now, onto #1.

1. 

Ladies and gentleman: today we reach a first on Jeremy U's Music Corner: my first ever tie! Yep. These songs were so bad, that I'm counting them both together as the worst song of 2015. What songs are they?

She Knows by Ne-Yo and Juicy J and Dooo It! by Miley Cyrus

There are bad songs. There are horrible songs. There are unlistenable songs. And then there are these trainwrecks. I Might Go Lesbian is an obnoxious song that uses a prejudiced group to be incredibly misandrist, but I've seen songs that were obnoxious, misandrist, and about lesbians. There is nothing like She Knows and Doooo It!. They are gigantic failures of enormous proportions. Let's start with the least bad of the 2: She Knows. Now, the only other thing I've seen Ne-Yo in is Pitbull's Give Me Everything. And he was fantastic in that song. He had a great voice and infectious energy. But here, he doesn't sound awful, but not only is he not as good, he's way less fun, and a lot more creepy. This song leaves me with a weird combination of anger, pity, and disgust. It's like the musical equivalent of watching your 18 year old brother take a dump in his pants during his graduation speech: a disgusting, embarrassing event, that's terrible for everyone involved. Oh, and of course, those creepy as hell baby squeals that make me miss the chipmunk vocals in Cardi B's Money. And then there's Dooo It!, which oh my god what the hell is this mess?! For starters, this is the worst music video ever made. As bad as the music videos for SAD!, Rockstar, and even U.O.E.N.O are, at least some effort was put into them. This is basically just Miley's mouth in front of the camera, in different patterns, while glitter and frosting is spewed over her mouth. On top of that, this song just sounds gross. Miley's voice is even uglier than Weekend's in The Hills, and the lyrics are so awful, stupid, and lazy that they would make Lil Pump jealous. Oh, and the candle on the birthday cake of diharrea: "Why they put the dick in the Pussy?" Congrats, Miley! You made the worst lyric of all time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In fact, here are 

The Top 5 things wrong with Why they put the dick in the pussy?

5. It's grammatically incorrect. It should be "Why do they put the dick in the pussy?" 

4. It's stupid.

3. It's confusing

2. It doesn't contribute anything to the song, because it only appears at the end of the song.

and the #1 thing wrong with Why they put the dick in the Pussy? is.....

1. It's a terrible lyric to begin with! 

So yeah, these songs are retched. One's an embarrassing failure, while the other is an obnoxious, disgusting mess. And I think those 2 titles are worthy of being joined together as the #1 worst song of 2015. Screw you Juicy J, screw you Ne-Yo, and especially screw you, Miley Cyrus. Also, Miley Cyrus and Her Dead Petz is one of the worst album names I've ever heard.

Well, there you have it. My top 10 (technically 11) worst songs of 2015! What did you think of my picks? What did you disagree with? What's your list? Comment below, follow my blog to be notified by new posts, and thanks for reading!!!!

Also, there is one good thing about Why they put the dick in the Pussy?. It gave us this: